.......
.......I don't know what to write.....
.......
ah! whatever, I'll just put up this quote from my friend she posted this morning :
"Musuh terbesarku adalah rasa malas kalau aku bisa mengalahkannya, aku bisa mengalahkan apapun selain itu." - Rival
Semangat teman-teman! Jangan biarkan rasa malas dan pesimis menguasaimu! Stay positive! \m/
nice, huh?
well, I can't really agree to that.
the problem is, I'm always pessimist, on everything I did, do, and will do.
How can I "stay positive" when I'm always at the negative side?
the truth is, my life isn't as great as the other have.
when the others got good grades, I got a bad one.
when the others got a new friend, I lost one.
when the others having fun, I just doing nothing at the corner.
well, it's doesn't really matter, right? it's not a biggie.......
but, what DISTURBING and HURTS me all the time is :
when the others are succeed, I failed.
when the others are happy, I'm sad.
when the others got something, I lost one.
sad, huh? but what's SADDENING me until now is, it happens all the time.
I always fail at everything I do.
I'm a loser. I always getting bullied all the time, directly and indirectly, and I NEVER do anything about it. and I think I DESERVED it.
so, every time I got home, I just put on a fake smile, so no one would worry about me.
my parents grew tired of being mad at me for everything I failed on, so they just put on a sad smile and tell me that, "you're different"
(damn! I cried a lot that day!)
I always fail at everything I do.
no matter how I tried to put up with it.
no matter how many motivational words I used.
no matter how many times I stand up.
I always failed it in the end.
so, I GREW TIRED of getting myself up for something.
I'M TIRED OF TRYING! I'M TIRED OF GETTING MY HOPES UP FOR NOTHING!
because I know, I'm gonna screwed it up in the end......
and I know,..... there will be NO ONE there for me.......
I'm dying inside......
I don't know how long I can live my life with these failures.....
I wanna run away from it all........
I wanna take away this fake smile from my face......
I wanna smile like everybody have.......
........I just want to LIVE......
remember, you're not alone in this world.
ReplyDeleteGod created people around us so we don't feel lonely.
Maybe you think that people are avoiding you, but do you know?
maybe we think that people start to avoiding us, the fact is sometimes we are the one who avoiding them..
so change your mindset now...
take action!
I know it's not that easy to get closer with another, at least do your best first...
god won't give you his blessing if you don't effort it!
wow, (O,O )
ReplyDeleteit's kinda SURPRISING that someone even post a comment in this blog
coz, you see, this blog is... somewhat a trivial note to express my feelings at times :/
excuse me, is this possibly a someone i knew? :P
nope,
ReplyDeleteI was just blogwalking and read your blog