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The Truth........

.......
.......I don't know what to write.....
.......

ah! whatever, I'll just put up this quote from my friend she posted this morning :

"Musuh terbesarku adalah rasa malas kalau aku bisa mengalahkannya, aku bisa mengalahkan apapun selain itu." - Rival
Semangat teman-teman! Jangan biarkan rasa malas dan pesimis menguasaimu! Stay positive! \m/

nice, huh?
well, I can't really agree to that.
the problem is, I'm always pessimist, on everything I did, do, and will do.
How can I "stay positive" when I'm always at the negative side?

the truth is, my life isn't as great as the other have.
when the others got good grades, I got a bad one.
when the others got a new friend, I lost one.
when the others having fun, I just doing nothing at the corner.

well, it's doesn't really matter, right? it's not a biggie.......

but, what DISTURBING and HURTS me all the time is :
when the others are succeed, I failed.
when the others are happy, I'm sad.
when the others got something, I lost one.

sad, huh? but what's SADDENING me until now is, it happens all the time.
I always fail at everything I do.
I'm a loser. I always getting bullied all the time, directly and indirectly, and I NEVER do anything about it. and I think I DESERVED it.
so, every time I got home, I just put on a fake smile, so no one would worry about me.
my parents grew tired of being mad at me for everything I failed on, so they just put on a sad smile and tell me that, "you're different"
(damn! I cried a lot that day!)

I always fail at everything I do.
no matter how I tried to put up with it.
no matter how many motivational words I used.
no matter how many times I stand up.
I always failed it in the end.

so, I GREW TIRED of getting myself up for something.
I'M TIRED OF TRYING! I'M TIRED OF GETTING MY HOPES UP FOR NOTHING!
because I know, I'm gonna screwed it up in the end......
and I know,..... there will be NO ONE there for me.......

I'm dying inside......
I don't know how long I can live my life with these failures.....
I wanna run away from it all........
I wanna take away this fake smile from my face......
I wanna smile like everybody have.......

........I just want to LIVE......

a kind of routine....

I wake up in the morning,
same, unchanged, daily morning
"it's going to be a good day" i said to myself
when i know deep down inside me, it won't
but still, i lied to myself

on the way to class, i meet up with a friend
just when i'm about to say "good mor-" he just divert his eyes
so, that what i did too
we just passed each other without saying anything
pretending no one there
"that's right, why would he'd say hi to ME?" i said to myself with a sigh

when i get in the class, i just sat down at the corner
"same old, same old" i smiled to the desk

suddenly, a girl waving and said "hey! :D" while looking towards me
i'm thinking "wow, that's new!" :D
just when i'm about to raise my hand, a guy behind me shouted "oh, hey! :D"
i think "oh, err,,,, right, right" knowing, she called the guy behind me, not me
"that's right, why would she'd do that to ME?" i said to myself with a sigh

sigh... what a boring life i have. this world seems so black and white.
I'm still amazed to people who think this world is everything to them
what would they possibly thinking?

"hey! :D" a girl surprised me, took me away from my fantasy
this girl, a girl that difference from the others, a kind of girl who thinks everybody is important
including ME. that's what i loved about this girl (also, her breath-taking smile :D)
but, that's also what i hate about this girl.

we talked for a while, having fun, teasing with each other
it's feel like, i'm an important person to her, somebody special
but when i realize , she did that to everybody around her, leaving me behind
i thought that she just did it only to me, but it's not
"that's right, why would she'd think that of ME?" i said to myself with a sigh

.........

so, i just go home with this lonely, sad feeling
i just go into my room and close the door
"no one want me around right?" i think while closing the curtain
I crawl to my bed, sleep, and go over it all again by tomorrow.....

warning

Introduction.....

Hi,
the name's Yoga
this is my second blog
I forgot the address of my first one
stupid huh?
well, that's the kind of guy I am

well, for the introduction, usually peoples tell about themselves, what they interested at, whats good and bad about themselves, right?
well, it's NOT for me

I don't have anything special about me to tell to you guys
let's just say...... I'm just a boring, flat, uninteresting, kind of guy,
a worthless, stupid, pathetic, unreliable, kind of guy, who have a messed up life,
always being burden of his friends, even his family, and would never going to do something about it
(damn, I hate myself!)

what? do you think that was too exagerrating?
believe me, that the kind of guy I AM


so, that's..... me,
why do I make this blog?
well......., I don't know yet
maybe it's for write up my feelings, so I can read it, and cry at night,
maybe it's for you guys so you could know abaout me, so you can save yourself from me,
or maybe it would just stuck and I would never write again, just like my first blog.
pathetic, right? hahaha,,,,,, that's ME

so,
(err..... what do I say?)
HAPPY READING :D
(i guess? :/)